Wednesday, May 9, 2018

To and Fro

March commute
 I have worked for the same company for over 30 years.  For the last eighteen I have driven the same route to and fro. Early morning to, afternoon back.  A weekly rhythm. While I feel both proud and ashamed of that fact, it's my past and I'm moving on.

The end of that
My last day was over a month ago and the less said about it the better. It was bittersweet.

Out of control
I emerged from that predictable routine into something new, a place where I determine the schedule and priorities of my day. Suddenly I no longer have to fit "life" into the weekends. It was unsettling at first. It has taken a month to really start to figure out what my personal rhythms are. I've been helped along by friends who have negotiated these sorts of changes before me, they act as coaches or listeners and my husband who understands what a big change this is...

Too many ideas
I have so many ideas, and so many unfinished, abandoned projects...
and now there is time, unstructured, all mine, time
its giddy and scary and fun
bewildering
 As usual when life gets confusing I find getting my physical space processed helps enormously.
The transition had left my studio a jumble of half conceived ideas, un-dealt with bits and pieces and nowhere to work on any of it.The house needed a good spring cleaning too and of course there is the garden in spring...
Lots to straighten out so might as well be ambitious
deep breaths now possible
Its going pretty well. The house is getting much cleaner and I'm keeping up with the garden. As the month ended I finished cleaning and rearranging the studio. It is spacious now, with room for photography, and I've chosen a few things to work on.
reconfigured
I'm starting to feel calmer, able to focus again.

2 comments:

neki desu said...

to me cleaning and straightening my studio helps me. it's no brain work, but it is productive and helps me get focused again.
you'll find your rhythms just give them time to surface.

alsokaizen said...

Yup straightening the space helps to straighten the brain. the rhythms are beginning to surface, I just have to learn to listen to them.