Wednesday, May 30, 2018


The garden by the back deck is agreed to be the prettiest. It is small with two tiers of beds separated with a wall of boulders. I first planted it in 2003? 2004? ...?
Well, it was a while ago, its more than 10 years old and less than 20. It was created around a smoke tree and includes an azealia, weglia, spirea, hosta, catmint, and a draping evergreen that I don't know the name of. I planted it with the color scheme of Lime/Yellow and Purple/Burgundy, which has expanded to include white and bronze as years have passed and things have been gifted to me. This year the the deer ate the evergreen so I didn't have to prune it. It looks a bit rough.

 The yellow flags are starting now, as well as the little starry white flowers, I don't know what they are called, some sort of bulb gifted to me by a neighbor.
The lower bed features a special hosta I brought back from a visit to WI. The leaves look as though a wash of white has been painted onto each leaf.

This is the one bed I have that Uchera does fairly well in. There is one in bronze green that lives next to the weglia. I have 2 crumbling pots set up on the wall, right now I am trying to coax some sedum to grow in them, and I set some bulbs in there last year but I haven't seen any blooms yet.

 The columbine is in bloom too, there is one in a pale pink that volunteered next to the smoke tree. a happy little accident.
For me about 40% of gardening is accidental, 25% is gifts and  the rest is survival.
Whatever makes it through the year, directs all future decisions. Is that instinctual?

Friday, May 18, 2018

Memorial Stones

Back in Dec of 2012 I laid out a stone for each of the victims at Sandy Hook, later I would wrap them and finally put them aside in a jar. Something to remember by. I barely mentioned it here and never photographed them, it was a personal gesture. In Feb they were brought out as the same sort of event happened again, and today I am looking at them again.
It keeps happening, and I keep wrapping stones.
I choose a shooting at random and wrap stones for it. One per victim. I choose the stones at random too. Individuals grouped by the event alone, strings are left uncut, unfinished.
Currently the Vegas shooting memorial is being made.
28 done 30 to go
Something to mark the losses. They are starting to pile up and I've barely begun.

Tuesday, May 15, 2018

Spring Storm

Tonight there are storms are passing through.
The whole day was sort of gusty all around.
A day that kicked  up a lot of emotional dust too.
The kind of day where I confront my anxiety about the future.
It feels perilous to entrust others with judging my abilities.*
I think I would rather try something else....

*job search, resume, cover letters, interviews...

Friday, May 11, 2018

While the sun shines

a place in the sun
Mostly I'm not a sunbather (its too bright for reading) I get bored. Even at the beach I usually walk around or play in the sand. I do like sitting out on the deck when I have a cup of coffee in the morning so I got the deck set up earlier this week. It was a bit of a surprise when I dozed off in the sun yesterday. I'll allow it. The truth is I haven't had longer than 2 weeks off in 30 years, I figure I'm allowed a blissful little nap.
Tribe 4 
I've begun to learn two new tribes. It often takes a little trial and error to get the language right.
At the moment I'm working on the 2 at once, not sure if I will keep at both or settle down to one at a time.

Tribe 5
 I've begun the 4th set of memorial stones. I'm not doing them in any particular order, I just sort of choose one at random.
There are so many to pick from.
I'm not sure if they need to be in any particular order. Each stone is an individual and of equal importance, as is each event. For now I'm approaching it haphazardly. I'm going to keep thinking about how the separate memorials create a larger message as a group.
Memorial stones, Las Vegas 58/1

Wednesday, May 9, 2018

To and Fro

March commute
 I have worked for the same company for over 30 years.  For the last eighteen I have driven the same route to and fro. Early morning to, afternoon back.  A weekly rhythm. While I feel both proud and ashamed of that fact, it's my past and I'm moving on.

The end of that
My last day was over a month ago and the less said about it the better. It was bittersweet.

Out of control
I emerged from that predictable routine into something new, a place where I determine the schedule and priorities of my day. Suddenly I no longer have to fit "life" into the weekends. It was unsettling at first. It has taken a month to really start to figure out what my personal rhythms are. I've been helped along by friends who have negotiated these sorts of changes before me, they act as coaches or listeners and my husband who understands what a big change this is...

Too many ideas
I have so many ideas, and so many unfinished, abandoned projects...
and now there is time, unstructured, all mine, time
its giddy and scary and fun
 As usual when life gets confusing I find getting my physical space processed helps enormously.
The transition had left my studio a jumble of half conceived ideas, un-dealt with bits and pieces and nowhere to work on any of it.The house needed a good spring cleaning too and of course there is the garden in spring...
Lots to straighten out so might as well be ambitious
deep breaths now possible
Its going pretty well. The house is getting much cleaner and I'm keeping up with the garden. As the month ended I finished cleaning and rearranging the studio. It is spacious now, with room for photography, and I've chosen a few things to work on.
I'm starting to feel calmer, able to focus again.

Friday, May 4, 2018

2 Months

Its been 2 months since I posted? wow...
The problem with being gone so long is that so much stacks up.
I'm looking back in my photos, there were 2 snowstorms then spring, a job loss (mine) a trip to DC for the march for our lives, gardening, a trip to the beach and alot of dogs.
I think I will just go forward...